Whirlwind

Let me start off by saying that these last few weeks has been uber busy and I'm spent! Trying to squeeze in a lil time at work today to write this because I miss my 20-Somethings, so... HI!!!! (**Waves and Smiles**)

I'll be back before the end of this week with a great blog, videos and Pictures from Wrestlemania and the Latest in 20-Something news you can use!


Love You Guys and Ttyl :)

Uncharted

"I'm going down... follow if you want, I won't just hang around like you showed me where to go.. Already out of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how to get started it's all uncharted... LA LA LA LAAA!" - Sara Bareilles "Uncharted"

Love that song... I definitely think it speaks to me because it defines how I feel, especially when I'm in my funky days. How many of us fall into a funk of "This isn't what I wanted" or "This is not how I pictured things to be" Raise of Hands? Anyone, Anyone? .... Ah, yes you in the back! ... I know I do and for me especially, sometimes its hard to pull yourself out. Depending on the goal you set to reach or a situation, the funky mood can turn into funky days and sometimes weeks or months at a time... yea depression. As 20-Somethings, I think we ride ourselves really hard to make the most of our lives. The era that we live in is a demanding one; between pressing work schedules, image issues and the pressures from family and friends we sometimes begin to feel bogged down. Eventually you find yourself unmotivated because you can't seem to make everyone happy or accomplish all you set out to do. One of my favorite lines from the song above is " Compare... where you are to where you wanna be and you'll get... nowhere"

It resonates with me because its the truth; we all aspire to be something or make something of our time here and we consistently ask ourselves " what is it that I'm doing that I can't seem to do X,Y,Z" ... we have to remember its not necessarily the journey but the destination that defines the success you experience in life. Everyday will not be the most fulfilling or rewarding... your gonna disappoint people and not be able to do all you want, but God ( or whomever your higher power maybe) graciously gives us a new day everyday. With that, comes a new opportunity to achieve all you may desire. Beating yourself up over the "uncontrollable" ( as I call them) is insane; it can lead to many issues including depression, with drawl from those closest to you and other mental/physical health issues. We must lean on the understanding that we are not super heroes, running around with an 'S' on our chest... but just people trying to make due with what we have. The future is most definitely uncharted but that's what makes each day exciting... the unknown.

L.A.L #2 : WRESTLEMANIA!!!

What a beautiful sunny day it is in Farmington Hills, MI! I love springtime and esp. sunny days... really lifts your spirits... ANYWHO This blog will be a 2 part adventure, so bare with me.

Never apologize for being who you are, that's like apologizing for being real! Of course this is a lesson that is taught to you as a child yet it doesn't quite become useful until your older. As 20- Somethings we all go thru phases and changes; some of us find that our method of handling situations may not have been the most effective or that the way you view yourself is not what's portrayed. No matter the situation, never apologize for being the person that you are most comfortable being. I am not perfect in any shape or form but I am aware of my realities; I'm aware that I can be moody, sometimes demanding and talk smack.... but these qualities do not complete the make-up of who I am. I'm also very generous (sometimes to a fault), optimistic and thoughtful; Therefore I will not be ruled by my bad qualities, but instead embrace them and keep it moving. If someone in your life doesn't approve of who you are, that doesn't make them a bad person. It means that sometimes people grow apart and that just means that life is indeed moving forward. Relationships of any kind are hard to maintain, esp. the older the relationship grows. Yet if you are ever at a crossroads where your being asked to compromise yourself for the betterment of another, then its time to re-evaluate that relationship. You should never have to change to get along with someone or go with their program.... march to your own beat! Trust me my dear 20- Somethings, its hard being who you are in a world full of stereotypes, but the reward, peace of mind and sound sleep you have at night is well worth it :)

Now on to the fun stuff .... Live A Little #2!! This time we took it to 1 of my favorite bars (Bailey's Bar and Grill in Dearborn, MI) for one of my favorite sports... WRESTLING!! Yes I am an avid watcher of wrestling and am not ashamed lol



That's Me! Waiting to in line to get in Rocking Mock Ted Dibase's Million Dollar Belt and CM Punk "Best In the World" shirt!




I looked at the screens and turned back and a Pokemon` battle had begun! Yea... you read this right! lol




The Crowd right before The Rock defeated John Cena! It got banana's in there!




Behind my buddy Pickles (yes, nickname is Pickles lol) is Triple H and The Undertaker squaring off!

This bar is awesome! Best Bar food I've had so far and the set-up (This is the Basement!!) is comfortable with long couches in the front... it feels like your at home enjoying this match. They show the pay-per-views once a month and the crowd never disappoints... it's always packed! $59.99 to watch it at home versus $3 a person to watch at the bar.... yea I'm there! I believe in giving everything a try once... 1 year later we're regulars lol I enjoy these events because its one way to see some of the people in my life that I don't get to see to often, laugh and pig out. There always on Sundays and its just a great way to start the week.


Til' next time my dear 20-Somethings "Take Care of Yourself and Each Other" lol :)

L.A.L #1- The Root Restaurant and Bar

Hello and Welcome to Spring 2012!!! We have had some of the most beautiful weather for Michigan which definitely lightens the moods of many including myself! In taking my own advice about living a little, making the happy times last and being more active I started a series called "Live A Little". Well the L.A.L series begin its journey in the culinary world; I, like many of you 20-Somethings, love to cook and just as many love to eat. It just so happens that the beginning of this series fell in the same week as my supervisors' going away luncheon... what luck!

The Root Restaurant and Bar in White Lake, MI

 



 It was so peaceful and calm inside opposed to the busy parking lot and shopping complex its located near. This restaurant specializes in all things Michigan; MI grass feed beef, MI grown shrimp, etc.

 

Me being happy (So not a good pic) lol



Beautiful Place for anytime of Day!







And the portion sizes were out of this world! Luckily I skipped breakfast that morning so that I could really partake and enjoy the entire experience  (Greedy Comment lol) Having to wait about 30 minutes for my appetizer to come and then an additional 30 minutes for my meal was well worth it when I seen the presentation! 

  



Crab Cakes .... So Pretty and Tasty!




Could Not Finish this, but def tried! lol

Needless to say my entire team enjoyed themselves... with great atmosphere, great food and great jokes (Yea IT Techs have the best sense of humor cause we're all smart asses lol) how could we not! It's definitely sad to see my supervisor leave but we gave him a gift card to Nordstroms and made sure the amount was something he could play with lol
I wasn't trying to necessarily critique the restaurant but I guess in sharing my experience with you guys, I did a 2 for 1! My friends all laugh because up until recently I have been a very regimented person, so when I introduced the concept of  L.A.L to them, some of them twisted their heads sideways and laughed like "Yea, I'll believe when I see it!" well SHOW AND PROVE BUDDY! As I always say, life is about growth and change... its the only way to become a better version of ourselves. I encourage you my dear 20-Somethings to step outside the box and try something new.... you know Live a Little ;)

Live A Little

So in taking my own advice about making the happy moments last and learning to just enjoy this life (esp. if you don't have a spouse or children just yet) I'm going to be posting pictures from different outings this spring and well into the summer. I believe that for every person that works hard, you should equally play as hard... besides we're only 20-Somethings for so long. So I have a laundry list of events (some with friends and others with my hunny :) ) to show that you can be a well-rounded hardworking 20-something... Successful and Fun-loving. I"m doing this because I like most of my friends, are burden down with responsibilities and daily routines that by the time we look up, its time for bed. My mom told me, while I was in the midst of deadlines and graduation lol "Ebony, I'm proud that your so driven yet remember while your reaching your goals... Your only young once in life and the rest of your life is spent growing old" and she was right.

So I'm implementing the "Live a Little" series... bi-weekly I will post pictures of places, recommendations to eat/visit, concerts and festivals that are 3 of my favorites things: Low Cost, Low Gas Usage and Loads of Fun! I believe the biggest lesson in life to learn is how to relax; to be able to turn off the "gotta go" buzz and just enjoy these moments. I'll still post about the ups and downs of being 20-Something ( I have great piece on apartments coming very soon!) but I want to include everything in between. I always stated I wanted to be young enough to keep up with but old enough to teach my kids lessons from my life's experiences. In order to do so I have to "Live a Little" :)

Soundtrack to My Life

I apologize for the lateness of this post.... Life gets hectic sometimes, but nonetheless Here I am ;)

I absolutely adore music of just about any kind... Jazz, Hip-Hop, Alternative Rock even a little Country; I try not to discriminate. I'm listening to a little John Legend as I speak/type lol The love for music developed for me as a child. My Step dad and mom would play music whenever they had friends over or on holidays.... On Saturdays in the summer, my dad would open the windows to the house and play his music loud; I could be a on a bike ride 7 or 8 blocks away and here is music lol He would play a variety of music Kiko Matsui, Incognito to Red Hot Chili Peppers and my mom... she was a R &B person. Toni Braxton and Mary J. Blige were among her favorites to play (One Christmas, she played Toni Braxton "Talking In His Sleep" so much the CD scratched lol) As a child I remembering dancing to "Whoop there it Is" and was apart of any choir you could think of; from church to school girls chorus to freelance mirror singer lol and when I couldn't sing, I would play my flute ( yea drove the parentals crazy until I learned how to play University of Michigan's "Hail to the Victors... then it was all good lol)

As I got older I started to develop my own musical habits... Listening to FM 98 "Quiet Storm" every night while I ironed my uniforms to recording songs off the radio for my my shoe box of cassette tapes lol Eventually I started listening to artist like Jay-Z, Nas, Lauryn Hill and paying attention to the lyrics only to discover that the beats weren't the only thing to move me but the lyrics seem to speak to me. From the first time falling in love (Jagged Edge- I Gotta Be) to my first broken heart (Kelis- Caught Out There) arguments with my parents (Will Smith- Parents Just Don't Understand) and everything in between. It seemed like it was a song for every emotion I could ever possibly feel and I absorbed every one of them. Party Anthems that got my thru college ( Anything Lil' Jon, Kanye West or Jay-Z did lol), cheating exes ( All of Usher's "Confessions" Album) to my political mo it was a song or artist for it all.

It was these beautifully mastered songs that lead me down the path to writing. I drew inspiration from my music to express the things that I failed to verbalize. Never really one for confrontation ( Don't get it twisted... test my gangsta if you want too!!) I began to keep notebooks to diaries to full out Journals of my every thought and what I was listening to best express and relieve any tension/stress I may have been feeling. It's been 17 years that music and I have been working on the soundtrack and 10 years since I began to write out the "Manuscript" that will one day be my greatest work of art: My Life. Any type of freeing expression of self, my dear 20- somethings should definitely be explored. I'm nowhere near finished, esp. with artist like Kid Cudi, Adele, LMFAO and Mac Miller.... this journey is far from over. On your soundtrack of life my dear 20-Somethings, what songs are the make-up who you are today?

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Since birth you are told to ask for the things that we want; growing up we all watched Disney movies where "Wishing upon a Star" is the most common and most memorable catch-phrase. So we spend our lives asking for the various things we want because we feel that these things will bring us the satisfaction we crave. Yet what happens after you get what you want? As adults we get introduced to a new and ever-lasting phrase "Be Careful what you ask for, You just might get it". Saying the phrase brings chills because it can be applied to a variety of situations and interrupted a multitude of ways. The true interpretation of the phrase is to imply that we must put forth real thought into the things that we seek; to make sure that we choose wisely and that whatever we are hoping for brings us true happiness or true success. If not, we may experience the folly of receiving that want. Kinda like dreams and wishes back firing... the movie Bedazzled explains this concept very well (although what the character learns is to be grateful and patient... A lesson for another blog lol)

 Lately I've noticed many of the people in my life have been experiencing the satisfaction of having a want or wish fulfilled; which is great! Yet along with the satisfaction of getting what you desire, they have also experienced the other side of getting what you want: Disappointment, Confusion or Further Conflict. As adults we wish for many things.... having enough money to pay the bills this month, a better car or better job, yet we lack the specific details that are needed in bringing fulfillment along with the feeling of satisfaction. Moreover, after all the wishing is done and we finally receive that want, sometimes we still make decisions that lead us right back to where we started. I'm often accused of living my life according to a plan and my desire to have things go right is conveyed into being a "Control Freak", and in many ways I just may be a control freak lol Yet I started to become this way because I've experienced what happens with wants and desires and the side effects of getting what you want. I've worked a job that I wanted so bad only to discover it was just more than I can handle; I have gotten windfalls of money that I may have needed and done foolish things with; I've dated guys who seemed like my ideal mate, only to discover I was only looking surface deep... if you catch my drift.

I say all of that to say that while we reach for the things that we want, that we take care of the details. Don't be afraid to get specific in exactly what your seeking; Sometimes the very thing we thought would bring us such joy, causes us the most pain. Making a detailed plan for obtaining your wants should be the next step after realizing what it is you want. It's not being pushy, but taking control of what experiences you have in life. Be bold my dear 20- somethings, write it out, pray or meditate over it and proclaim it to anyone whose willing to listen; put it into the universe ( Remember, Karma Believer lol) and watch it comeback to you exactly how you asked for it, straight up with no chaser ;)

Be the Change

I believe that you learn something new everyday; whether that something new is information on a topic or you learn something about the people in your life... you're constantly learning. I believe in staying open minded because different people can introduce a new point of view on ideas or situations you thought you may have mastered. I believe in constantly learning things about myself because we as humans are like onions; there are many layers that make-up who we are. In order to be comfortable with who you are and the person you're becoming, we must not be afraid to peel back a new layer. I say all of that because in my journeys throughout my life I have met some very interesting ( in my opinon) people who all have introduced a new method of thinking, a new way to accomplish something or showed me a new goal that I should consider reaching for. Yet amongst all the interesting people I have met and have the pleasure of still having in my life, I cherish those who have showed me myself; Those people are a rarity.

We all at one time or another have met a person who just feels like they have you pegged. "I know your type" is the most common phrase used when you come across those people. Majority of the time you just write them off, "Umm, No dude you have no clue who I am"... immediately turned off by the idea of what they may say without giving them a chance to explain. Alot of times we confuse being "judged" with "constructive criticism" and immediately become defensive. Something inside of you is screaming to reject the the concept being given... but do we ever stop to examine why? I am definately guilty of this and while luckily it hasn't cost me opportunites or many relationships, its a lesson still worth learning. Sometimes in life, things happen to us that causes us to become a certain way and we hold on to that incident that gave birth to this new quality. We all have baggage that we carry around but rarely do we notice when that load has become to heavy and its even more rare that we decide to unload.

Our 20's is definately a time to grow; its when we make the transition from being a helpless child to a responsible adult. We face many challenges that we sometimes feel unprepared for and overcome things that may have seemed impossible to do. Yet the biggest challenge we face is learning how to get out of our own way and to be accepting. Many people compliment my intelligence and how loving or friendly I am, yet the demanding side of me seems to shine through as well. I'm demanding because I had alot of demands placed on me growing up and never really had a voice; being picked on in school didn't help this at all. So as I got older I felt the need to be the same way because I felt that was the only way to be heard, respected and acknowledged. No one ever told me that despite how people act towards me, that there was nothing wrong with me and it was ok to stand out. It took me almost 26 years to discover that this was the issue and 1 night to decide to change it. To grow is to learn and to learn is to be accepting of all lessons.... even those about yourself. My dear 20-Somethings, It takes a smart person to recognize their own flaws, but its takes a brave person to do something about them.

For the Good Times...

We all crave the easy breezy beautiful days... You know the days where everything just go your way. There's no arguments to be had, the sun's shining... We all long for those days. Yet when they come, do you maximize those moments? I'm believer in allowing the good times and moments in my life to linger; meaning that I don't miss an opportunity to be happy, smile and enjoy myself. I realize we all have stressors in our lives whether its your job, your home life, friends, etc. and we're all guilty of letting those things restrict our view. It's hard seeing the sun for the clouds that randomly appear, but if we don't take notice everyday will start to seem mostly cloudy. Allowing the good moments and experiences in life linger sounds like a simple thing to do... sounds. Yet most people have a hard time doing so because of the urge to control and the idea of perfection.

We must all first remember that life wouldn't be as thrilling and worthwhile if we all didn't go thru our valleys and peaks. Thus, the idea of perfection is non-existent... and in my opinion the idea of perfection sounds boring. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a control freak! Yet as I mature and gain wisdom (little by little lol) I realize that the more I tried to control these moments in life, the less they came around. I begin to go into periods where nothing good was coming in (now that doesn't mean everything was all bad, but it was alot of BLAH times if you know what I mean lol). It seemed as if everyone around me all of a sudden started to have the time of their life and I was in a rut. Once I made this revelation, slowly I started to get out of my own way... I started to free myself from self-constraining thoughts/behaviors. I stop setting really expectations on simple things and I stopped allowing myself be overcome by the fear of "What If".

Suddenly every date ( for example) I went on was great and we begin to spend more time together; It was because I allowed myself to enjoy the high of those good moments even into the next day. Having a drink with my friends became a pleasurable exp. instead of rushed and aggravating.... over time each day, no matter what may have happened that day, became just a tad bit better than the last. Now I'm in no way in the clear of allowing myself to enjoy my life but I worry less about Bills, Riffs between friends and just the uncontrollable. (Which by the way, when I began to stress less over bills and I began to make the payments easily and paying bills off!). Life will always always have its valleys... but being able to enjoy the peaks as they come will make your 20's and the rest of you life, a more comfortable ride.

FRIENDS! ... How many of us have them?

First let me start out by recognizing Black History Month starts Today! This Day in History: The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which abolished slavery, was adopted by the 38th Congress... This has been your day in History! lol

Lately I have been noticing on all the social sites and in my personal relationships that the word "Loyalty" comes up and is often times questioned. Why is this element of the human psyche so important? Or rather the more pressing question is, why is it missing? Long gone are the days of being able to trust the person to the left and right of you. The playground friendships where I like rocks and you like rocks so we're buddies.... are long dead and are instead replaced with complex situations and various test forcing you to prove just how good of a friend you really are. Speaking for myself, I have to say... How Annoying! As 20- Somethings, life throws us enough tests and curve balls daily to send us into a whirl-wind of emotions and trials... but when we do come down from the emotional roller coaster, our friends are suppose to be there to ground and remind you of who you are.

Now that may sound nice and dandy but the reality is, how can you respect the roles they play in your life, when identifying who your friends are versus whose not, is a constant task? So how do we separate the good friend from the bad friend to determine where loyalty lie? Depends on your definition of friendship... For me, I look for 4 things that determines whether we're friends or associates ( yes, associates!)

1. Honesty- I"m going to always be honest in how I feel towards you, yet it's not just being honest with me but more importantly being honest with themselves. If you can make yourself believe a lie, then living one will be just as easy.

2. Clarity- If your able to be clear in your thoughts (and by clear I mean well thought out view points and conviction in what they are saying) how you express yourself to me and to others.. you are definitely someone I want around.

3. Consistency- Being dependable, reliable and emotionally stable are key elements to any friendship. Its hard dealing with the ever changing 3 headed monster from day to day... I need to know that you are always one way.. and I'll be more understanding when you having 1 of those days lol

4. Fearless- A good friend is one who tells you the good and the bad and is not afraid of the outcome from doing so. Sometimes you need a reality check or a reminder of your worth ( for example) ... Not a shroud of yes men, constantly agreeing with you. How do you grow mentally in a group like that?

As we get older friendships change, some mature and some become harder to keep... but no matter the case both parties must be willing to do the maintenance necessary to either sustain or dissolve the friendship. Loyalty is a factor that comes in when you both realize how much work your putting in to keep the friendship alive. That's the part I think we 20 somethings don't recognize! The amount of effort given determines loyalty.... not what they can do for you or how you can benefit from knowing that person... but the effort to show that despite what's going on, I'm still trying and I'm always here for you. If we can remember these key elements, I think we can be friends forever.

The Influence

Since the passing of my 26th Birthday and the realization that I am in fact 26 (yea young but not a kid anymore) I decided it was time to start to really pay close attention to my surroundings... more important the influences I have in my life. After all, the influences in your life definately help to shape the type of person you will be. Influences can vary from the company your keep (i.e. your friends), your place of origin (family), where you work and where you live; How strong each variable is, depends on how welcoming you are to certain influences over others. By definition the word Influence is a noun and a verb, which makes this an intanglible but very powerful substance. I say its powerful because it's an action formed from an abstract idea, which gives influences life which in turn gives them control. An Influence is the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force over you. I guess the idea of giving life to the words we use to express thoughts and our emotions is true... ( Karma believer over here lol)

Everyday I, just like many of my other 20- somethings, are all faced with decisions that can be molded and shaped by the circumstances our influences leads us into... its tiresome! Yet learning to be able to tell the good influences vs. the bad influences will make this journey through our 20's and really thru life a much smoother one. Now you may say "Well my friends love me and wouldn't lead me into bad stuations or endorse my making of bad choices... I'm my own person!" and to a certain point you being your own person is true.... to a certain point. Your influences are formed from having a common ground that you share... My mother is a project manager in the healthcare technology field, I work in business technology, all my friends work in business-related fields and the area that I live in is surrounded by businesses and other individuals who work in business administration or management... get it? This was all done sub-consciously by the way lol It was my influences that assisted in the choices that I made from who I associate with to even where I live... How powerful, right?

Now whether these influences that have assisted in the decisions I've made are good or bad... is yet to be determined. Yet I'm not completely clear of the bad influences in life and neither are you, so how do we recognize them? The term peer pressure comes to mind because it's a type of bad influence that even at our age, is still very effective. Being pressured to do or agree with an idea when you feel differently or dealing with the misdeeds of another because "that's just how they are", even making choices based off what's good for the whole and not for the being are examples of how bad influences and peer pressure can affect you. Now, not all bad influences are so obvious; some come in the most well-intentioned person you know. It's not necessarily that the idea they are trying to convey is bad, but the methodology behind it may not agree with how you do things. Ever heard of the Well- Meaning Idiot?

The way to combat bad influences is a little something called Willpower. To not be afraid to say no, to know its ok to change your mind, following your instincts or standing firm on your point and beliefs are all ways to combat and succeed. I know sometimes having to be the lone voice in the crowd is hard, but its a task that must be taken on in order to fill satisfied with yourself. Every week or so I learn something new about who I am versus who I used to be and about the people and places I'm around... its how I know that I'm growing and my dear 20-somethings, I hope you are growing too.

Setting Boundaries

Often in life we let people and situations over step the supposed boundaries we have in place.... it happens for a number of reasons. Sometimes its out of love for that person; maybe its because someone need more attention/assistance in a specific area. Majority times, if your like me, you don't even realized its happened. Being available to say, a friend or family member, is needless to say a part of the job of being in their lives. Yet when being available to aid that person in need becomes more of a burden then a joy, that 's when you  know that a boundary has been crossed. I myself struggle with wanting to help so much, that I have a hard time recognizing when I'm being used or taken advantage of. I guess it feeds into the whole theory of "Taking someone Kindness for Weakness"... For most people the act of giving, being a shoulder to cry on and often times helping to find the solution to problems are often the situations that boundaries are crossed most.

So how do we stop this from happening? Honestly, we can't because as long as there are lines to be crossed, there will be people who will go the distance. Moreover, the problem lies not in the crossing of said boundary but in the acknowledgment that there are, in fact, Boundaries. When a boundary has been crossed you most often times feel embarrassed, used, exhausted or drained, confused, upset or downright distraught. When these feelings become overwhelming its time for both parties to acknowledge what happened and find a way to resolve or dissolve the problem. When this crucial step isn't taken, it leads to other issues amongst the two parties involved.

So to alleviate all of the confusion and to keep friendships/relationships in-tact I'm going to start to follow (I recommend if this applies to you to do the same) a few rules: Be honest. Always be willing to let someone know when they have crossed the line, how will they know if its never said? Which leads me into my next point, never assume! We are not mind-readers so if something has been done that has ( for example) made you feel disrespected... don't assume they know what got you two to that point, explain it to them. Lastly, make yourself open to being willing to work to a resolution or be willing to walk away. Boundaries are important because their apart of what makes you unique. Allowing anyone, be it family or friend or Co-worker, to cross those lines with you is not ok... not vocalizing why it's not ok is even worse. Afterall, if your not willing to stand for something you fall for anything.

Originality vs. Perception

 Let's start this off with a great big HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  Hopefully you spent NYE with those nearest and dearest to your hearts and/or party hard :)

I have noticed a good deal of you have decided to change the inner you... to evolve into a different version of self. Some have decided that being the same person year after year has not yielded the results in life that you were looking for... and self -reflection is awesome! I commend those of you who have enough insight to see the need for change. As creatures of habit, sometimes it's hard to break old cycles and evolve into the best version of you; especially in the age of reality TV and technology. As 20- Somethings, sometimes we have an identity crisis where who we are/were no longer works for who we want to be; so we begin the search to discover new traits and habits to adopt. Along this path, we pick up many role models with different backgrounds and experiences because we feel we can relate or they hold the key to the type of happiness we're seeking. While looking for inspiration in others is a good thing, we must be choosy of the people we decide to base the "Newer" version of self from.

Throughout the week many of my friends including myself tune into the various reality shows "Love and Hip Hop". " Real housewives of Wherever" and so on and so forth... and then have discussions about the events that transpired . While we all watch for entertainment reasons, I know many people who watch to imitate the success and failures of these women. The lives that the people in the media have did not happen overnight and things weren't always as simple as they may appear to be for them. Some of them have done things in the past they weren't proud of or had to experience major life-altering situations to become your favorite "Housewife" (for example). Imitation is the biggest form of flattery but while trying to follow the steps of others, I believe we start to loose a bit of who we are. Originality should be the goal while undergoing any growth process. We all have a path in this life and just because you may not enjoy the comforts that another seems to doesn't devalue the path and the person you are meant to be.

I believe sometimes we misinterpret the message that is sent out with some of these reality shows. Truly we hear, see and believe what we want but alot of times, these shows are really serving as a warning. The best form of change is to look within yourself and your surroundings to find the things that no longer work; start to improve on those first. Research the role models that you decide to pick up... Ask questions and be as thorough as possible. If you want to be neater, get into the habit of picking up your clothes from the floor before going to bed. If the goal is to be on time, set your clock 5-10 minutes early; You don't have to develop OCD or plaster a time schedule on your wall to make the changes you want. Nor do you have to watch other people live their lives to inspire your own. Be the change you would like to see my dear 20-somethings and the rest will fall into place.