First let me start out by recognizing Black History Month starts Today! This Day in History: The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which abolished slavery, was adopted by the 38th Congress... This has been your day in History! lol
Lately I have been noticing on all the social sites and in my personal relationships that the word "Loyalty" comes up and is often times questioned. Why is this element of the human psyche so important? Or rather the more pressing question is, why is it missing? Long gone are the days of being able to trust the person to the left and right of you. The playground friendships where I like rocks and you like rocks so we're buddies.... are long dead and are instead replaced with complex situations and various test forcing you to prove just how good of a friend you really are. Speaking for myself, I have to say... How Annoying! As 20- Somethings, life throws us enough tests and curve balls daily to send us into a whirl-wind of emotions and trials... but when we do come down from the emotional roller coaster, our friends are suppose to be there to ground and remind you of who you are.
Now that may sound nice and dandy but the reality is, how can you respect the roles they play in your life, when identifying who your friends are versus whose not, is a constant task? So how do we separate the good friend from the bad friend to determine where loyalty lie? Depends on your definition of friendship... For me, I look for 4 things that determines whether we're friends or associates ( yes, associates!)
1. Honesty- I"m going to always be honest in how I feel towards you, yet it's not just being honest with me but more importantly being honest with themselves. If you can make yourself believe a lie, then living one will be just as easy.
2. Clarity- If your able to be clear in your thoughts (and by clear I mean well thought out view points and conviction in what they are saying) how you express yourself to me and to others.. you are definitely someone I want around.
3. Consistency- Being dependable, reliable and emotionally stable are key elements to any friendship. Its hard dealing with the ever changing 3 headed monster from day to day... I need to know that you are always one way.. and I'll be more understanding when you having 1 of those days lol
4. Fearless- A good friend is one who tells you the good and the bad and is not afraid of the outcome from doing so. Sometimes you need a reality check or a reminder of your worth ( for example) ... Not a shroud of yes men, constantly agreeing with you. How do you grow mentally in a group like that?
As we get older friendships change, some mature and some become harder to keep... but no matter the case both parties must be willing to do the maintenance necessary to either sustain or dissolve the friendship. Loyalty is a factor that comes in when you both realize how much work your putting in to keep the friendship alive. That's the part I think we 20 somethings don't recognize! The amount of effort given determines loyalty.... not what they can do for you or how you can benefit from knowing that person... but the effort to show that despite what's going on, I'm still trying and I'm always here for you. If we can remember these key elements, I think we can be friends forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment