New Years Resolutions

 Hope everyone's Christmas was wonderful and everything you needed/wanted it to be!

Let me ask you a Question.... How many of you out there make New Years Resolutions? It's said that about 78% of those who make new years resolutions fail at keeping them... men achieve their NYE Goals 22% more than women who achieve them by 10%.  So what does that say about how realistic we are with ourselves? Moreover, how feasible and realistic are the goals we set for ourselves? My mother always preached that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail... what she didn't include in that little saying is that, the plan must obtainable.  For many of us, we spend the last few months of the year in review of the Good, the Bad and Ugly that occurred in our lives that year and by December 31st we have a laundry list full of Things to Do/Change about ourselves and surroundings for the corresponding year. While goal setting is highly endorsed by myself ( HIGHLY!) you must ask yourself this, are these resolutions important because its a new year and you wanna start fresh or are these the items that have been on the back burner anyway?

For example...

Year after year I would make the NYE Goal of losing weight; I would look at myself  and feel disgust for a moment and then say," I'm going to join a gym and lose 50lbs." yet for 3 years straight, I never attempted this goal. Despite the fact that at 23 I had high blood pressure, stood at 5"8 and weighed 240lbs... I wouldn't attempt to do a thing about my weight. it was crazy! It wasn't until 1 of my best friends and I went to an event for singles and posed for pictures that I realized that I had to do something... This was in September 2009. I immediately went into hyperactive Ebony mode and went to work... 2 years later I stand at 5'9 and weigh 168lbs. I said all of that to say this, I didn't need to set aside this goal for a specific time of year or fall into the trend of NYE... again....it was a change that I needed to make to live and be better.

Many of your NYE goals are just things that may need to happen regardless; lets not fall into the routine of making goals for the sake of making them and lets not wait until December 31st for these goals to take precedent. I finally opened my eyes and saw the need for change and made it.... In September! lol I believe in you my dear 20- Somethings, we can do anything at anytime... lets utilize the whole year to make goals and achieve them; And use NYE for its intended purpose..... TO PARTY! :)

The Turning Point

It's been awhile since I actually Blogged and even though I keep a journal, I actually kinda missed this. I have been on a roller coaster for the past 2 1/2 years and Tomorrow I'm turning 26 years old. This has not been the best years lemme tell you! Just about every bad situation you could imagine has happened to me (death of a Parent and Grandparent, Close to Eviction, loss of 2 jobs, loss of love, etc.) I mean this has been a bumpy road with every passing year. Although my birthday comes every year, the anxious feeling about getting older and fearing what is to come (Yeah I have a case of the Birthday Blues) never changes
Now that I'm about to venture into a new phase of my life, I'm filled with questions and my curiosity has peaked. Have I made the best decisions? Was college really worth it? Am I the marrying/motherly type? With each passing day, I wonder what I could be doing with the time I'm not at work or sleep. I have accomplished alot in my time from great internships to working an amazing company;  But with 26 literally around the corner I can't help but feel the need to reflect back and I know I'm not alone! It's other 20-somethings out here who are doing the same things.... And I'm here to tell you, it's not just you, it's all of us! Your twenties is about discovery, but in discovering who you are, you must first recognize what you've learned:

26 Years: What I've learned

1. Let's Be Friends - I recently learned that I am the "Middle of the Road" friend; meaning that I am often in the middle cause I get along with everyone. Yet because of this, I suffer! Birthdays are hurtful because some friends don't show because of others, I'm excluded from events because of who may come with me and its terrible. I'm at a point now where if we're friends, regardless of others, our friendship must be genuine and real. Fair weather friends, frienemies, etc. have no place in my life!
2. Life Can Be Hard, but it Doesn't need your Help- I've banged my head up against the wall several times and probably several more times to come, but I own it because it was from choices I made. When I took my time and planned/stuck with what I know is right, I've been successful and it was easy. I am responsible for what happens to me and no one else, so why not make life easy on myself and do what I believe it right!
3. Love is ....-  Unexplainable! I have loved and been loved and been brokenhearted... but I don't regret having experienced those emotions or the people it was with. Much like anything else in life you live and you learn... But picking yourself up, learning when to say "enough" and sticking to your word will only lead you to better days and greater Love... I'm hopeful
4. Family is Important - We all have our gripes about our families... too demanding, too picky, too noisy, etc. But maintaining a balance, setting boundaries and being there when things get tough will only strengthen your bonds with them and you'll learn that your mom and you have waaay more in common than you thought! lol
5. Never be Afraid to Dream- I always wanted to be 1 of 2 things: A Journalist or a Psychiatrist and I had this discussion with my parents at 17 (right after the ACT test) and they discouraged me from doing either one. It wasn't because they didn't believe in me, but because we were a UAW family, grounded in working hard and using trade skills to survive. At that time, they wanted me to do something that would yield results immediately and didn't see how that would happen with those professions. So I went another way.... I had fun, trust me! But I never stopped dreaming about how life would be if I'd stuck to my guns. Thus this blog! No matter how dumb or crazy or extreme the dream is, you have it for a reason... Pursue it!
6. Independence is Freedom but Hardwork - The proudest day of my life was when I moved into my first apartment. I paid for the deposit and rent on my own, I bought my furniture and have been doing this on my own for 2 years now. This has not been the easiest thing to do but it is definitely the most rewarding! It feels good to do things on your own without help from others but maintaining it is definitely hard work. Independence is earned...
7. Your Word is All you have- Trust isn't given, its earned! And everyday you should remind yourself of these words... the fastest way to commit acts of hate or even sin (depending on your beliefs) is to open our mouths. Staying true to your word is important not because you want to appear trustworthy but so that you can trust yourself. It's how friendships and relationships are built, it's how you excel in your careers and how people judge your character.
8. Always Be Nice! - "It always pays to be nice, it doesn't cost a thing" I heard this quote about a year ago and it resonates with me because I always try to consider people's feelings in what I do and say. Now I'm no Mother Teresa, but I speak to strangers in the halls at work or at the bus stop, I smile when possible and I try to have a kind word or joke for those I'm around. I do it because it not only makes me feel good but because you never know what your smile and a warm "How's your day going?" can really do to a person... for some it lifts their moods and for others it can save their life
9. What's "Right" for now isn't always "Right" for later - "The Popular choice, isn't always the right choice" Being on the side of right and doing the right thing is challenging because it all depends on your views. Your view of friendships and family, your love life, your job, etc. and the concept always changes. The thing to remember and to ask yourself when your trying to do the "Right Thing" is how does this affect me and is it beneficial to all parties involved?

These lessons stand out to me because no matter what age you are or where life takes you, these lessons translate over with you. I hope that my reflections can assist anyone on their path or even cause you to chuckle because you relate oh too well lol It took me 26 years to learn these things and as I live I'm sure I'll/we'll have way more to learn and hopefully way more to share!