Since birth you are told to ask for the things that we want; growing up we all watched Disney movies where "Wishing upon a Star" is the most common and most memorable catch-phrase. So we spend our lives asking for the various things we want because we feel that these things will bring us the satisfaction we crave. Yet what happens after you get what you want? As adults we get introduced to a new and ever-lasting phrase "Be Careful what you ask for, You just might get it". Saying the phrase brings chills because it can be applied to a variety of situations and interrupted a multitude of ways. The true interpretation of the phrase is to imply that we must put forth real thought into the things that we seek; to make sure that we choose wisely and that whatever we are hoping for brings us true happiness or true success. If not, we may experience the folly of receiving that want. Kinda like dreams and wishes back firing... the movie Bedazzled explains this concept very well (although what the character learns is to be grateful and patient... A lesson for another blog lol)
Lately I've noticed many of the people in my life have been experiencing the satisfaction of having a want or wish fulfilled; which is great! Yet along with the satisfaction of getting what you desire, they have also experienced the other side of getting what you want: Disappointment, Confusion or Further Conflict. As adults we wish for many things.... having enough money to pay the bills this month, a better car or better job, yet we lack the specific details that are needed in bringing fulfillment along with the feeling of satisfaction. Moreover, after all the wishing is done and we finally receive that want, sometimes we still make decisions that lead us right back to where we started. I'm often accused of living my life according to a plan and my desire to have things go right is conveyed into being a "Control Freak", and in many ways I just may be a control freak lol Yet I started to become this way because I've experienced what happens with wants and desires and the side effects of getting what you want. I've worked a job that I wanted so bad only to discover it was just more than I can handle; I have gotten windfalls of money that I may have needed and done foolish things with; I've dated guys who seemed like my ideal mate, only to discover I was only looking surface deep... if you catch my drift.
I say all of that to say that while we reach for the things that we want, that we take care of the details. Don't be afraid to get specific in exactly what your seeking; Sometimes the very thing we thought would bring us such joy, causes us the most pain. Making a detailed plan for obtaining your wants should be the next step after realizing what it is you want. It's not being pushy, but taking control of what experiences you have in life. Be bold my dear 20- somethings, write it out, pray or meditate over it and proclaim it to anyone whose willing to listen; put it into the universe ( Remember, Karma Believer lol) and watch it comeback to you exactly how you asked for it, straight up with no chaser ;)
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Be the Change
I believe that you learn something new everyday; whether that something new is information on a topic or you learn something about the people in your life... you're constantly learning. I believe in staying open minded because different people can introduce a new point of view on ideas or situations you thought you may have mastered. I believe in constantly learning things about myself because we as humans are like onions; there are many layers that make-up who we are. In order to be comfortable with who you are and the person you're becoming, we must not be afraid to peel back a new layer. I say all of that because in my journeys throughout my life I have met some very interesting ( in my opinon) people who all have introduced a new method of thinking, a new way to accomplish something or showed me a new goal that I should consider reaching for. Yet amongst all the interesting people I have met and have the pleasure of still having in my life, I cherish those who have showed me myself; Those people are a rarity.
We all at one time or another have met a person who just feels like they have you pegged. "I know your type" is the most common phrase used when you come across those people. Majority of the time you just write them off, "Umm, No dude you have no clue who I am"... immediately turned off by the idea of what they may say without giving them a chance to explain. Alot of times we confuse being "judged" with "constructive criticism" and immediately become defensive. Something inside of you is screaming to reject the the concept being given... but do we ever stop to examine why? I am definately guilty of this and while luckily it hasn't cost me opportunites or many relationships, its a lesson still worth learning. Sometimes in life, things happen to us that causes us to become a certain way and we hold on to that incident that gave birth to this new quality. We all have baggage that we carry around but rarely do we notice when that load has become to heavy and its even more rare that we decide to unload.
Our 20's is definately a time to grow; its when we make the transition from being a helpless child to a responsible adult. We face many challenges that we sometimes feel unprepared for and overcome things that may have seemed impossible to do. Yet the biggest challenge we face is learning how to get out of our own way and to be accepting. Many people compliment my intelligence and how loving or friendly I am, yet the demanding side of me seems to shine through as well. I'm demanding because I had alot of demands placed on me growing up and never really had a voice; being picked on in school didn't help this at all. So as I got older I felt the need to be the same way because I felt that was the only way to be heard, respected and acknowledged. No one ever told me that despite how people act towards me, that there was nothing wrong with me and it was ok to stand out. It took me almost 26 years to discover that this was the issue and 1 night to decide to change it. To grow is to learn and to learn is to be accepting of all lessons.... even those about yourself. My dear 20-Somethings, It takes a smart person to recognize their own flaws, but its takes a brave person to do something about them.
We all at one time or another have met a person who just feels like they have you pegged. "I know your type" is the most common phrase used when you come across those people. Majority of the time you just write them off, "Umm, No dude you have no clue who I am"... immediately turned off by the idea of what they may say without giving them a chance to explain. Alot of times we confuse being "judged" with "constructive criticism" and immediately become defensive. Something inside of you is screaming to reject the the concept being given... but do we ever stop to examine why? I am definately guilty of this and while luckily it hasn't cost me opportunites or many relationships, its a lesson still worth learning. Sometimes in life, things happen to us that causes us to become a certain way and we hold on to that incident that gave birth to this new quality. We all have baggage that we carry around but rarely do we notice when that load has become to heavy and its even more rare that we decide to unload.
Our 20's is definately a time to grow; its when we make the transition from being a helpless child to a responsible adult. We face many challenges that we sometimes feel unprepared for and overcome things that may have seemed impossible to do. Yet the biggest challenge we face is learning how to get out of our own way and to be accepting. Many people compliment my intelligence and how loving or friendly I am, yet the demanding side of me seems to shine through as well. I'm demanding because I had alot of demands placed on me growing up and never really had a voice; being picked on in school didn't help this at all. So as I got older I felt the need to be the same way because I felt that was the only way to be heard, respected and acknowledged. No one ever told me that despite how people act towards me, that there was nothing wrong with me and it was ok to stand out. It took me almost 26 years to discover that this was the issue and 1 night to decide to change it. To grow is to learn and to learn is to be accepting of all lessons.... even those about yourself. My dear 20-Somethings, It takes a smart person to recognize their own flaws, but its takes a brave person to do something about them.
Monday, February 13, 2012
For the Good Times...
We all crave the easy breezy beautiful days... You know the days where everything just go your way. There's no arguments to be had, the sun's shining... We all long for those days. Yet when they come, do you maximize those moments? I'm believer in allowing the good times and moments in my life to linger; meaning that I don't miss an opportunity to be happy, smile and enjoy myself. I realize we all have stressors in our lives whether its your job, your home life, friends, etc. and we're all guilty of letting those things restrict our view. It's hard seeing the sun for the clouds that randomly appear, but if we don't take notice everyday will start to seem mostly cloudy. Allowing the good moments and experiences in life linger sounds like a simple thing to do... sounds. Yet most people have a hard time doing so because of the urge to control and the idea of perfection.
We must all first remember that life wouldn't be as thrilling and worthwhile if we all didn't go thru our valleys and peaks. Thus, the idea of perfection is non-existent... and in my opinion the idea of perfection sounds boring. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a control freak! Yet as I mature and gain wisdom (little by little lol) I realize that the more I tried to control these moments in life, the less they came around. I begin to go into periods where nothing good was coming in (now that doesn't mean everything was all bad, but it was alot of BLAH times if you know what I mean lol). It seemed as if everyone around me all of a sudden started to have the time of their life and I was in a rut. Once I made this revelation, slowly I started to get out of my own way... I started to free myself from self-constraining thoughts/behaviors. I stop setting really expectations on simple things and I stopped allowing myself be overcome by the fear of "What If".
Suddenly every date ( for example) I went on was great and we begin to spend more time together; It was because I allowed myself to enjoy the high of those good moments even into the next day. Having a drink with my friends became a pleasurable exp. instead of rushed and aggravating.... over time each day, no matter what may have happened that day, became just a tad bit better than the last. Now I'm in no way in the clear of allowing myself to enjoy my life but I worry less about Bills, Riffs between friends and just the uncontrollable. (Which by the way, when I began to stress less over bills and I began to make the payments easily and paying bills off!). Life will always always have its valleys... but being able to enjoy the peaks as they come will make your 20's and the rest of you life, a more comfortable ride.
We must all first remember that life wouldn't be as thrilling and worthwhile if we all didn't go thru our valleys and peaks. Thus, the idea of perfection is non-existent... and in my opinion the idea of perfection sounds boring. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a control freak! Yet as I mature and gain wisdom (little by little lol) I realize that the more I tried to control these moments in life, the less they came around. I begin to go into periods where nothing good was coming in (now that doesn't mean everything was all bad, but it was alot of BLAH times if you know what I mean lol). It seemed as if everyone around me all of a sudden started to have the time of their life and I was in a rut. Once I made this revelation, slowly I started to get out of my own way... I started to free myself from self-constraining thoughts/behaviors. I stop setting really expectations on simple things and I stopped allowing myself be overcome by the fear of "What If".
Suddenly every date ( for example) I went on was great and we begin to spend more time together; It was because I allowed myself to enjoy the high of those good moments even into the next day. Having a drink with my friends became a pleasurable exp. instead of rushed and aggravating.... over time each day, no matter what may have happened that day, became just a tad bit better than the last. Now I'm in no way in the clear of allowing myself to enjoy my life but I worry less about Bills, Riffs between friends and just the uncontrollable. (Which by the way, when I began to stress less over bills and I began to make the payments easily and paying bills off!). Life will always always have its valleys... but being able to enjoy the peaks as they come will make your 20's and the rest of you life, a more comfortable ride.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
FRIENDS! ... How many of us have them?
First let me start out by recognizing Black History Month starts Today! This Day in History: The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which abolished slavery, was adopted by the 38th Congress... This has been your day in History! lol
Lately I have been noticing on all the social sites and in my personal relationships that the word "Loyalty" comes up and is often times questioned. Why is this element of the human psyche so important? Or rather the more pressing question is, why is it missing? Long gone are the days of being able to trust the person to the left and right of you. The playground friendships where I like rocks and you like rocks so we're buddies.... are long dead and are instead replaced with complex situations and various test forcing you to prove just how good of a friend you really are. Speaking for myself, I have to say... How Annoying! As 20- Somethings, life throws us enough tests and curve balls daily to send us into a whirl-wind of emotions and trials... but when we do come down from the emotional roller coaster, our friends are suppose to be there to ground and remind you of who you are.
Now that may sound nice and dandy but the reality is, how can you respect the roles they play in your life, when identifying who your friends are versus whose not, is a constant task? So how do we separate the good friend from the bad friend to determine where loyalty lie? Depends on your definition of friendship... For me, I look for 4 things that determines whether we're friends or associates ( yes, associates!)
1. Honesty- I"m going to always be honest in how I feel towards you, yet it's not just being honest with me but more importantly being honest with themselves. If you can make yourself believe a lie, then living one will be just as easy.
2. Clarity- If your able to be clear in your thoughts (and by clear I mean well thought out view points and conviction in what they are saying) how you express yourself to me and to others.. you are definitely someone I want around.
3. Consistency- Being dependable, reliable and emotionally stable are key elements to any friendship. Its hard dealing with the ever changing 3 headed monster from day to day... I need to know that you are always one way.. and I'll be more understanding when you having 1 of those days lol
4. Fearless- A good friend is one who tells you the good and the bad and is not afraid of the outcome from doing so. Sometimes you need a reality check or a reminder of your worth ( for example) ... Not a shroud of yes men, constantly agreeing with you. How do you grow mentally in a group like that?
As we get older friendships change, some mature and some become harder to keep... but no matter the case both parties must be willing to do the maintenance necessary to either sustain or dissolve the friendship. Loyalty is a factor that comes in when you both realize how much work your putting in to keep the friendship alive. That's the part I think we 20 somethings don't recognize! The amount of effort given determines loyalty.... not what they can do for you or how you can benefit from knowing that person... but the effort to show that despite what's going on, I'm still trying and I'm always here for you. If we can remember these key elements, I think we can be friends forever.
Lately I have been noticing on all the social sites and in my personal relationships that the word "Loyalty" comes up and is often times questioned. Why is this element of the human psyche so important? Or rather the more pressing question is, why is it missing? Long gone are the days of being able to trust the person to the left and right of you. The playground friendships where I like rocks and you like rocks so we're buddies.... are long dead and are instead replaced with complex situations and various test forcing you to prove just how good of a friend you really are. Speaking for myself, I have to say... How Annoying! As 20- Somethings, life throws us enough tests and curve balls daily to send us into a whirl-wind of emotions and trials... but when we do come down from the emotional roller coaster, our friends are suppose to be there to ground and remind you of who you are.
Now that may sound nice and dandy but the reality is, how can you respect the roles they play in your life, when identifying who your friends are versus whose not, is a constant task? So how do we separate the good friend from the bad friend to determine where loyalty lie? Depends on your definition of friendship... For me, I look for 4 things that determines whether we're friends or associates ( yes, associates!)
1. Honesty- I"m going to always be honest in how I feel towards you, yet it's not just being honest with me but more importantly being honest with themselves. If you can make yourself believe a lie, then living one will be just as easy.
2. Clarity- If your able to be clear in your thoughts (and by clear I mean well thought out view points and conviction in what they are saying) how you express yourself to me and to others.. you are definitely someone I want around.
3. Consistency- Being dependable, reliable and emotionally stable are key elements to any friendship. Its hard dealing with the ever changing 3 headed monster from day to day... I need to know that you are always one way.. and I'll be more understanding when you having 1 of those days lol
4. Fearless- A good friend is one who tells you the good and the bad and is not afraid of the outcome from doing so. Sometimes you need a reality check or a reminder of your worth ( for example) ... Not a shroud of yes men, constantly agreeing with you. How do you grow mentally in a group like that?
As we get older friendships change, some mature and some become harder to keep... but no matter the case both parties must be willing to do the maintenance necessary to either sustain or dissolve the friendship. Loyalty is a factor that comes in when you both realize how much work your putting in to keep the friendship alive. That's the part I think we 20 somethings don't recognize! The amount of effort given determines loyalty.... not what they can do for you or how you can benefit from knowing that person... but the effort to show that despite what's going on, I'm still trying and I'm always here for you. If we can remember these key elements, I think we can be friends forever.
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